The Gift

The gift arrives

The gift managed to change Sudha’s world as unexpectedly as it appeared on her tea tray. It came in a brown envelope and lay innocuously on the tray where Rita, her full-time maid had placed it. Sudha sat staring at it and finally decided to open it.

Stirring her tea distractedly, Sudha held up a birthday card that came out of the envelope. Her mouth relaxed in a smile as she realized it was from her son and daughter-in-law wishing her on her 60^th Birthday. Sudha had never thought it an important event to be highlighted and had let the day slip by casually all these years.

It was only in the last five years when Krishti, her daughter-in-law came into their lives, that things had started to change.  Krishti was adamant that every occasion be it birthdays or anniversaries should always be celebrated and made memorable. Even when they moved to a different city, Krishti always made it a point to call them on their special occasions.

Sudha knew the card was Krishti’s idea.  As she opened it , something slip on to her lap. She picked it up curiously and her eyes widened in surprise. It was a bank cheque. It had no date nor any amount written on it.

However, it did have her name ‘Sudha Ray’ written on the dotted line drawn next to “Pay”, Krishti’s signature and the words “Account Payee” written across it.  Sudha was flummoxed. Since when did Krishti become so irresponsible? How could she leave a blank cheque inside the card and forget about it? Sudha was sure it was a major mistake and she was just about to call up Krishti to severely reprimand her when the phone rang.

“Hello Ma” Krishti’s voice rang out in its familiar jovial tone from the other side of the line.
“Krishti?” despite being irked, Sudha could not control the obvious joy at hearing her voice.

“Happy Birthday Ma!” said Krishti and Amit together “You are on speaker as both of us wanted to wish you together” said Krishti with a genuineness in her mirth.

“A big thank you to both of you my darlings” said Sudha indulgently. “But I am not very happy with you Krishti?” she said trying to sound serious.
“Why Ma? What did I do?” asked Krishti surprisedly.

“Since when have you become so forgetful? You should be more careful. You don’t even remember what you have done?” asked Sudha her voice becoming shrill like it always did when she was excited or anxious about something.
“Chill Ma” said Amit trying to pacify her “what has she done?” he asked.

“She has left a blank cheque inside the card and sent it through the courier. Don’t you know it could be so risky” said Sudha still sounding irked.

“Oh that!” said Krishti breaking into peals of laughter “that was not a mistake Ma. That is your gift!” she said.

“My what?” said Sudha still not comprehending what she was hearing.

“Your gift Ma. Well Birthdays always have a gift angle to them don’t they? And this is your 60^th so it has to be special right?” said Krishti laughing.

“My gift? What on earth do I need a gift for? I have everything anybody could ask for. I have you both. By god’s grace your father’s health is also doing fine. What else could I want?” asked Sudha in a surprised.

“Ma. This is not fair. I want you to get something for yourself. Anything that you want. That is why I have not put any amount. You put in whatever figure you want.”

“Are you sure? It could go into crores?” said Sudha mischievously.

“Go ahead. It’s your day. But the only condition is in the clause “something for you”. Not for the house, not for us, not for Baba, not even for your NGOs. But something that you have always wanted to do but could not. Something that you wanted to do desperately but have kept away from yourself to make space for the things that were important to others. Now is the time Ma. Go for it. Live the life. Pull it out from the rear and let it take the front seat for some time. You know Ma there is a saying in the Bhagvad Gita which says
“Curving back within myself I create again and again.” Its time for you to start creating yourself  again.” said Krishti.

“But Krishti..I…” began Sudha but could not find words for what she wanted to say.

“God! look at the time. Ma I have to rush. I have an important meeting at work and cannot be late. Have a great day and think about what I said. Give my pronams to Baba. Love you ma.” said Krishti as she hung up.

The Plan

Sudha sat holding her phone lost in her thoughts. She could not make sense of what Krishti had just told her. All her life she had been living the life that others wanted for her. First her parents, then her in-laws, then her children. Today when she was in the twilight age of her life, how could she define what she wanted? Did she have any wants other than those that others wanted from her?  

That was how Pranotosh found Sudha when he came around from the garden wiping his glasses on his kurta. Her phone was still in her hands and the tea in the cup placed next to her had gone cold long back.
“What’s wrong Sudha?” he asked looking concerned “Are you okay?”
 “Oh here you are. There is a big problem and I need your help” she said agitatedly.

“What problem? Why do you look so agitated? Who were you talking to on the phone?” said Pranotosh looking concerned.

“Krishti” said Sudha.

“Everything okay? Why did she call so early in the morning?” asked Pranotosh.

Sudha grimaced realizing he had forgotten it was her birthday.

“Rita” she called out to her maid “Can you get us some fresh tea please. This one has gone cold”.
By the time Rita returned with another pot of hot tea, Sudha had filled in Pranotosh with all the details.

“Hmm” said Pranotosh stirring his tea as he took it from Sudha “So what’s the problem?”

“Don’t you see what’s the problem?” asked Sudha exasperatedly “what can I get for myself? She has given me a blank cheque and now I can’t even keep it lying around. It is so risky nowadays.”

“Get yourself a good sari or something” asked Pranotosh dipping his biscuit in the tea and leaning back in the chair to become comfortable.

“I have loads of them in the wardrobe. I don’t need any more” said Sudha.

“Then get some jewellery. You were talking about some bangles you had seen the last time you had visited Manik Sarkar’s store.” said Pranotosh helpfully.

“No. I believe that will be too flimsy” said Sudha thoughtfully thinking of Krishti’s last words “Its time for you to start creating again”.

“Then I think it is best you keep the cheque safe in the locker till you can think of something good to buy with it.” said Pranotosh deciding to take a look at the newspaper as he believed enough time had been spent on a non-consequential problem. 

“I don’t know why I even think of getting a solution from you for any of my problems. You are just impossible” said Sudha as she walked off in a huff.

The rest of the day Sudha kept thinking of the line from the Bhagvad Gita that Krishti had quoted. “Curving back within myself I create again and again.” Could she really create herself all over again? It kept running in her mind in a loop.

In the afternoon, Sudha’s friend called to wish her on her birthday. The two friends chatted for hours. Sudha however, did not tell her about Krishti’s gift. It was only when Shibani was about to hang up that Sudha asked her, “Tell me Shibani. Do you think it is possible to create ourselves afresh? After all these years?”
“Of Course! Why not!” said Shibani laughing.

“But how?” asked Sudha perplexed.

“Well to create anything we need to start from scratch. Forget about what you are. Think of what you were. Think about the time when it all started…or rather in our cases, when it all ended.” She said wryly. “Think about the time when we stopped thinking about what we want. When we pushed our I behind their needs, desires and aspirations. Now, since They have got what they need why can’t we hope to get back a bit of the life we left behind?”

“Yes but what? I have forgotten to want anything for myself. I have forgotten the me I used to be,” said Sudha distractedly.

“We all have Sudha” said Shibani sadly “But I think that makes it all the more important to start thinking for yourself now. 60 years is a milestone. It is the time when a new chapter begins in your life. Don’t waste it writing the same story all over again. Write a new one that is only about you!”

All evening, Sudha kept thinking about what Shibani said. It was true. However, finding the old Sudha was difficult. She did not even remember where she had lost her.
Pranotosh usually watched the 9 O’clock news after dinner. Sudha joined him and they usually had discussions over the views expressed which often led to arguments. Today however, Sudha was unusually silent.
“What’s got into you today?” asked Pranotosh. “You have been so quiet since morning that the garden has been full of birds all day” he said teasing her.

Sudha shot him a scornful look but desisted from saying anything. It was when she turned her head that something on the screen caught her attention. A commercial was playing.  It showed a Land Rover gliding through long serpentine roads that were bordered with spectacular hills and that dropped into picturesque valleys.

The man at the wheels was marveling at the smoothness of the drive and the women and children were smiling at the camera. It was a car commercial and ended with technical details and the price of the car. However, the road through which the car was being driven and the landscape it crossed, stirred something within Sudha. She kept thinking about it all night.

Sudha had learnt driving before her marriage. However, when she got married, Pranotosh’s meagre salary did not allow them to buy a car. When they did however, Sudha had lost the confidence and her driving skills were a forgotten story. However, there was a time when she was known to be a good driver and Sudha, a travel freak, had often dreamed of going on a road trip. Something about feeling the wind on her face as she drove through highways had always stirred deep emotions within her. All she needed now was to bolster her confidence and go for it.

She spoke to Pranotosh about it the first thing in the morning.
“Driving? At this age?” he smirked “Why do you want me to enjoy your LIC benefits so early? And why snatch poor Haran’s job?”

“I am not snatching anyone’s job. I am just trying to give myself a new one. And moreover, I am not going to drive your car. I am going to get a new one” said Sudha smugly.

“You are going to buy a car? How?” said Pranotosh looking at her wide-eyed when suddenly realization dawned on him “Oh yes the blank cheque!” he sniggered

“Will you stop talking nonsense!” said Sudha irritatedly “Can I ever get any support from you?” she asked.

“But seriously Sudha, why driving? There are so many other things you can do. Try gardening, cooking, embroidery or even teaching. Don’t you think it is a bit too adventurous to start exploring at your age?” asked Pranotosh looking concerned.

“You told me the same thing when I asked you if I could drive our car when we bought it. That was 15 years ago. I never protested then because maybe I did not wish to disturb my comfort zone. Now I realise I was foolish and was just being lazy. I have very little years left to my life. Why not try fulfilling it rather than leaving behind an unfulfilled one.” She said looking at Pranotosh.

Pranotosh remained silent. If there was one thing about Sudha that he knew too well it was her determination. If she once decided that she would do something nobody could budge her.
He relented and Sudha started out on her plan. She first approached Haran, their driver to help her get started with the basics. Haran looked apprehensively at Pranotosh. He nodded grimacing. That made Sudha flare up.
“Why does he need your permission? Isn’t it enough if I tell him to do something?” she asked Pranotosh fuming.

“It is not about permission Sudha. It is just that he has never seen you driving so he was a bit confused.” said Pranotosh trying to save the situation.

“Rubbish!” said Sudha as she walked away in a huff.

Pranotosh simply sighed and shrugged. After this incident, Sudha decided she would have to look at other options. So next she approached the local driving school. At first they were not willing to train her, owing to her age. However, Sudha managed to convince them of her prior driving skills. She showed them her medical reports which did not show any eye ailments or other physical deficiencies. It took a lot of convincing to finally make them agree to enroll her. However, they did add a caveat that they could not guarantee that she would be granted a license.

Training Begins

Finally, her training began. After the first few weeks, where Sudha faced some hiccups in maneuvering the controls, she found she picked up her old skills. She even amazed her instructor who congratulated her on her excellent road sense and traffic navigation. It was not that Sudha did not feel nervous. She did feel her heartbeat increase and her hands go clammy every time she took the wheels. However, once she turned the ignition and moved the car into first gear she felt a new exhilaration she had never felt before.

After two weeks of rigorous training it was exam time. Sudha passed with flying colors and the Motor Vehicles thankfully granted her a 5-year license. Sudha was euphoric. Even Pranotosh congratulated her on her achievement. The next move was more difficult. She needed to find the right car. She did not want anything too big. After a lot of research and asking around, she decided on a second hand Honda Jazz which would suit her budget as well as her purpose. Shibani’s nephew and his wife were moving out of the country and could not take their 1-year-old car with them. So they were only too willing to give it to Sudha aunty at a throw away price. Sudha blessed them with all her heart and drove back home with an ear-splitting grin.

Her grin widened at seeing Pranotosh’s open-mouthed look as she parked the car in front of their gate.
“Be careful or you will get only flies for lunch” she said smiling mischievously as she passed him while walking into the kitchen to instruct Rita on the lunch menu.

The Princess and her magic wand

Sudha went out for a drive every morning to keep up her practice. Her plan was just about to fructify. Her next step was to identify the route she would take for her first road trip. Yes! She had decided she would do what she had always wanted to.  A road trip. The first one would be somewhere close by.

Pranotosh was livid when she told him the final step in her plan at dinner that night.

“Sudha this is preposterous!” he almost choked with anger “I don’t know who gave you the license in the first place at this age. Did you bluff your age by the way?” he asked suspiciously.
“Hah! You think I need to resort to such practices at this age?” she replied scornfully.

“There is no way you are going on any road trip” he said with a note of finality in his voice.

“Look Pranotosh! I am not asking for your permission. I think at this age, I am done with permissions and proposals. I am telling you I am going” said Sudha equally firmly.

After hours of heated discussion on the topic, Pranotosh gave up and walked off in disgust. Sudha just shrugged and asked Rita to clear off the table.
Later that night, Pranotosh, his intial shock and anger having subsided, walked up to Sudha and said in a pleading voice “At least take Haran with you”.
“You think I am ever going to take that nincompoof accomplice of yours to spoil my fun? Never!” said Sudha shaking her head. Pranotosh realised the fact that Haran had refused to give her driving lessons still rankled within Sudha. He finally resigned to his fate and asked Sudha in a defeated tone “When do you plan to start?”
“This weekend” she said “I have decided to go to Shantiniketan for the first trip. Better to keep it easy.” said Sudha as she settled down for the night.

Pranotosh sighed as he realised he had only one option left to try and stop Sudha. As he switched off the light, he decided tomorrow he had to call Amit.

The next day, Sudha planned out everything she needed to do before the weekend. She got her tests done. Fixed up an appointment with her family physician. Dr. Shobhit Rana was Amit’s childhood friend. He was ecstatic when Sudha told him her plans and about Krishti’s gift.
“Wow Sudha Aunty! That’s great! A road trip! I don’t believe it. I keep telling my mother to go for a walk in the park near our house and she is always putting me off with excuses and here you are on a road trip all by yourself. By the way, did Uncle agree to it?”
“That is why I want you to give me the final thumbs up! Then Uncle won’t have anything to say.” said Sudha laughing.

“You could never be better. Go for it Sudha Aunty. Just avoid driving at night!” said Shobhit as he handed back her reports.
On her way back from Shobhit’s clinic, Sudha’s phone rang. Seeing Krishti’s number flash on the screen, Sudha realized Pranotosh in a last bid to stop her, had called Amit and Krishti. Reluctantly, she parked her car and picked up the phone.

“Hi Ma!” came Krishti’s jovial voice “Where are you?”
“I had an appointment with Shobhit. I am on my way back” said Sudha.
“Are you driving?” asked Krishti quietly.
Sudha took a deep breath as she replied in the affirmative.
“How do you feel?” asked Krishti
“I have never felt better” said Sudha as she sighed happily.
“Baba called Amit today morning. He told us about it” said Krishti. So!” she continued “A road trip huh!”
“What did Amit say?” asked Sudha.
“He obviously got worked up about the whole thing. So he asked me to talk to you” said Krishti.
“And what do you think?” asked Sudha expectantly.
“I think it is brilliant Ma. Just what I thought you would do” asked Krishti ecstatically.
“Did you?” asked Sudha surprised
“Of course, I always knew you had a different strait in you. I am so proud of you. But do be careful” said Krishti.
“I will” said Sudha relaxing “Thank you so much for the gift!” she said

“But Ma” said Krishti in a confused tone “You never cashed my cheque? Was there any problem with it?” she asked.

“Oh that!” laughed Sudha “I am never going to cash that!”

“But why? I thought the funds would have helped you mobilise your plan” said Krishti surprised.

“Oh I will manage all that. But the cheque is not just a mere paper. It means much more to me” said Sudha.

“What more could it be?” asked Krishti still confused.

“It is the magic wand that helped me create myself all over again. Oh Krishti! You don’t know what your gift means for me. I feel like the princess in the fairy tale who was made to go to sleep in the witch’s chamber and then the prince comes and wakes her up with the magic wands. Just that, in this case, you are the prince in my life. I have to preserve the wand with me always. Whenever I want to feel alive, all I have to do is take a look at it.” she said.

Krishti could feel her eyes getting moist. “Take care Ma. Will call you before your trip” she said as her voice cracked with emotion.

Long after Krishti disconnected, Sudha sat in her car thoughtfully. A slow smile spread out on her lips as she turned on the ignition and pressed her accelerator down. The racing engine simulated her heartbeat. She was on a run, one that she did not intend to stop anytime soon.

Photo credit : cottonbro from Pexels