Uma lay still on her bed staring into the darkness.
She had the same dream once again.
The medicines had stopped the nervous attacks but they could not stop the pain from jabbing at her heart every time. She got out of bed, wrapped a shawl around her shoulders, and moved to the small balcony attached to her room. It was a small but cosy room with a mid-size bed, a small sitting area before a fireplace and an attached bathroom. She didn’t need anything more than this. Uma stood against the rails and looked out towards the mountains.
She had arrived at this quiet hamlet in South Sikkim for a short holiday. She liked its solitude and virgin greenery. Her homestay was on a cliff which overlooked the beautiful valley below.
Ananya had never liked the mountains as they bored her. So, on her 13th birthday Ajay had planned a holiday in Bali to celebrate her new milestone. Bali, with its myriad attractions was a heaven in itself. Their trip was going great until that fateful day thinking of which still made Uma shiver. They had gone for a swim in the beach. Uma was never a good swimmer, so she had decided to sun bathe while Ananya and Ajay went into the waters. However, watching them rollicking in the waters, she decided to go in for a dip too.
The water was warm and it felt good on her skin. She waded in deeper till she realised she had gone in a bit too deep. She decided to return when a huge wave caught her and flung her far off. Uma began to panic. She began to swim back when she saw Ajay had noticed and was moving in her direction and behind him was Ananya. Uma was just about to signal to Ajay when she saw her little girl’s body vanish into the water as another wave hit them hard. Ajay had reached her by now and realised what had happened. He helped her reach the shore and then went back to get Ananya.
That was the last that Uma saw of her husband or her daughter. She had stood on the shore frantically waiting for them. When they did not return, she alerted the shore guards. Search parties were sent out to find them but they could not be traced. Uma was devastated. Her whole world came crashing down that day. She could never forgive herself for what happened.
It had all happened in a moment but it finished Uma’s life. The days had become an agony to live through and the nightmares broke her down completely at night. Uma had herself become a living corpse. All she did was sit in one place and stare into space. She had tried putting an end to her life too but failed. It seemed as if even death had deserted her.
It was then that she decided to sell the house and start travelling. Moving from one city to the next gave her a kind of relief.
The twittering of birds made Uma realise that night was almost over. She sighed as she got up to get ready for her morning walk. The long winding roads overlooking the green valleys, somehow helped pacify her restless mind.
The cool morning wind, felt nice and refreshing. Its crispness acted like a balm on her sore temples that the nightmares always left her with.
Uma usually had a set path that she usually followed, not wishing to deviate too much from known territory. Today, however, Uma decided to explore a new route. She had noticed a trail that led uphill from her resort. It moved through a dense overgrowth. As Uma moved further into the trail, she stepped onto moss-covered ledges that jutted out from the side of the hill acting as steps to help her climb. She had to clutch at the tree roots and creepers at some places, to proceed. It was exhilarating. She could feel the blood rush up to her cheeks by the time she reached the end of the trail.
Exhausted, Uma flopped down on the lush green foliage that lay sprawled before her like a carpet of soft velvet. She turned her face up to let the cool mountain breeze soothe her tiredness.
A short giggle made Uma turn around to notice that she was not the only one there. Two children sat on a rock whispering to each other and giggling. Uma looked at them closely.
They seemed to be around 6-7 years old, one was a boy and the other a girl. They both had a flat nose, high cheekbones and slanting eyes. The boy had short spiky hairs. The little girls pig tails danced in the wind as she laughed. The boy was dressed in a simple check shirt and shorts. The girl had a similar looking check shirt and a pleated skirt.
They looked at Uma and smiled. It was the first time after the incident that she had looked at a child. After losing Ananya, Uma would often shy away from children. She held herself responsible for her daughter’s death and felt she didn’t deserve to be close to any other child.
However, today as she sat looking at the children giggling at her, she could not take her eyes away. The innocence in their smile mesmerized her. It seemed as if there could be nothing purer or more genuine than this. Something shifted inside her. Just as if a heavy load had been lifted from her heart. Suddenly she felt light and carefree.
“Hello” she said smiling at them.
“We saw you climb” said the boy giggling. “You took 30 minutes. I can do it in 10 and she can do it in 8,” he said pointing at the girl.
“Really? Show me?” said Uma grinning.
The two looked at each other. The boy jumped down and said something to the girl in Nepali. Uma saw the girl take out a stopwatch and start the timer. The boy promptly ran down the road Uma had been climbing. He was back even before she knew it. Once back he proudly showed her the timer blinking at 10 minutes.
Uma clapped her hands. The boy beamed. His little round face had turned a bright beet root red with the exercise. It flushed deeper with the appreciation.
“That was smart!” said Uma. “Are you from here?”
“Yes” said the girl smiling at her “That is our school there” she said pointing to something in the distance.
Uma looked towards where she was pointing. There stood a small thatched roof hut with couple of other similar looking huts within an enclosed area. It hardly looked like a school to her.
“That is your school?” asked Uma surprised
“Yes” said the boy proudly “That is the Sikkim Academy for Boys and Girls.”
“I see” said Uma “and where do you live?”
“In school” said the girl. “Our house is very far away, there are no schools there so our parents have sent us here.”
“Oh!” said Uma suddenly feeling sorry for the two. They looked too young to be staying alone.
“All our friends do the same too!” said the girl.
“What are your names?” asked Uma smiling warmly at them.
“He is Tau and I am Fuli” said the girl.
“What is yours?” quipped Tau.
“Uma” she said.
“You want to see our school?” said Fuli.
“Will I be allowed to?” Uma said doubtfully.
“Of course. Anybody can come into our school. Come now. Karma Sir will leave tomorrow. Then you won’t be able to meet him.”
“Karma Sir?” asked Uma curiously.
“Our principle” said Tau.
“But why should I meet him?” asked Uma unable to suppress her laughter at the eagerness of the two.
“Everybody who come to see our school, meets him. Come” said Fuli pulling Uma’s hand.
“No not today” said Uma hurriedly snatching her hand away, “I will come some other day.”
The two children looked crestfallen. It broke Uma’s heart too to see the light vanish from their faces.
“Okay” she found herself saying. “Let’s go!”
They looked up cheerfully. They held on to Uma’s hand on either side leading her towards their school. Uma felt strangely buoyant, in their company. She found herself chatting with them and laughing at their innocent questions.
The school was indeed a cluster of small huts. There was a little barn where goats were tethered. That was their daily milk supply, Tau and Fuli informed her. They led her to a small hut which looked like the administrative section of the school. A man sat at a desk loaded with papers. He looked to be about 50-55 years of age and had the same flattened features as the children. The man sat hunched over some papers, his lean shoulders moving as he scribbling furiously. He looked up as they entered.
“Karma Sir” quipped Tau “This is our new friend. She took 30 minutes to climb the hill.” The blunt introduction made Uma laugh.
“Welcome to Sikkim Academy for Boys and Girls” said Karma. He had a clear strong voice and a genuine smile that lit up his eyes “Please sit down”
“No” said Tau excitedly “She wants to see the school.”
“Oh” said Karma with raised eyebrows looking at Uma.
Uma felt embarrassed. “Actually, they dragged me here and I could not say no”
“You have done the right thing” said Karma smiling “Why don’t you take a quick tour of the school while I finish this paperwork.”
Uma nodded and let herself be dragged away by Tau and Fuli. They took her to meet their class mates all kids of the same age with the same cherubic looks and innocent smiles. They lived in a makeshift dorm that was located above their classroom. It was simply a long hall lined with beds.
She noticed that the toilets were under-construction. There were four in all. Two were marked for boys and two for girls.
The rustic nature of the place won Uma’s heart. She was touched by the simplicity of everything she saw and felt the genuineness of their approach. The school was indeed a noble endeavour and built with a great vision.
Karma was waiting for her when she returned.
“Did you like our school?” he asked smiling brightly.
“I loved it. You are doing a wonderful job here” she said warmly.
“Thank you. We are trying our best. We do have volunteers and donors who help us with their valuable contribution. These children do deserve an education, you see. Their parents belong to the poorest section of the society and cannot afford two square meals a day. Education is a distant dream. This school is their only hope.”
Uma nodded as she listened to him.
Karma looked at her for sometime silently and then said “Why don’t you join us?”
Uma was completely taken by surprise. “Me? What will I do?”
“Teach” said Karma simply “We are always understaffed with teachers. Our children need good teachers. We do get volunteers who come here to teach but they are all temporary. We need permanent teachers somebody who will look after the children, specially the girls, and live with them as a special parent.”
The word ‘parent’ rang in Uma’s ears and she recoiled in shock.
“No” she said raising her voice “No I…I cannot”
“Why?” asked Karma looking at her curiously
“No” whispered Uma “I don’t deserve to be with them.”
Karma looked at her closely.
“Life is not always kind to us but that does not mean we cannot be kind to ourself.”
Uma looked up. His words had scraped up her wounds. Before she could control herself, she broke down before this complete stranger.
Karma sat silently letting her cry.
“Karma Sir, did you scold our friend?” Tau spoke in a small voice from the door.
“Your friend was just feeling sad that she could not climb the hill faster than you” said Karma smiling.
“Oh, that is not a problem” said Tau brightening up “All you need is a little practice” said Tau pulling at Uma’s hand.
Uma smiled despite her tears as she got up to follow Tau. Before she left, she turned around to see Karma looking at her.
“Don’t you dare look back now. A new road is beckoning. Start your journey anew.” he said smiling.
As she watched Tau’s tiny head bobbing ahead of her, Uma knew Karma was right.
Cover picture credit: Photo by thiago japyassu from Pexels
