11 Fern Place

Avni heaved a sigh of relief as she got off from the crowded bus and stepped on to the pavement adjusting her off-white dupatta over her blue kurta. She checked her watch and smiled. There was time for a short visit to 11 Fern Place, her aunt Madhurie’s residence. She had made it a point to dress traditionally since her aunt, though the owner of very progressive thoughts had one weakness. She had a very conservative sense of dressing and disliked women strutting around in western attire. Therefore, unlike her sister Rani, Avni made sure she was always dressed carefully before meeting Madhurie. Nevertheless, she never refrained from joining her sister in teasing their aunt about one day paying her a visit wearing Jeans and a crop top that ridiculously revealed their midriff.

As Avni walked down the narrow lane that led to Madhurie’s house, the shops on either side of the street buzzed with activity. Like always she stopped to stare at the little shop selling aquarium fish located right at the corner of the lane. She loved watching the pretty little things swimming around in the green water looking like multicoloured dots. The red, blue, and golden fish darting in and out of the artificial foliage placed inside the glass boxes stared back at her with their bulging eyes and tiny pouting mouths. She smiled at the short stout shop owner who knew her too well and allowed her to stand and stare and did not drive her away like he did with some of the other window shoppers at his shop.

Soon Avni reached Madhurie’s house at the end of the lane. She pushed through the tall iron gates. A dried bough of bougainvillea creeper lay arched over it like a messy crow’s nest. A naked bulb hanging over Madhurie’s porch lit up the steps with a dull yellow glow.

The house, built by Madhurie’s father-in-law, was a big two storeyed structure with a large backyard and a sprawling lawn in front. Madhurie’s husband, Satyen Sen, was a well-known ophthalmologist, and had a well-established practice in his time and several well-known names adorning his list of clienteles. However, he could not live long enough to enjoy the fruits of his labour and left Madhurie a widow at 50. 

Satyen was the elder of the two siblings. When Madhurie was married at the age of 16, her brother-in-law, Nagen, was only a lad of 9. He was quite naturally enamoured by his young sister-in-law who was more like an elder sister. The two became very close and Madhurie soon found a devoted follower in Nagen.

Life like the flowing river keeps changing its route. As Nagen grew up, his childhood emotions went through a sea change and he soon became a completely different man. Then a few years after Satyen passed away, Nagen even forgot to maintain the semblance of basic propriety he used to display towards Madhurie. Frequent squabbles and bickering embittered both and their relationship finally came to a grinding halt. Now Madhurie, old and lonely, kept to herself on the ground floor of the house while Nagen and his family occupied the upper floor. The two families hardly interacted and seldom spoke. A sad ending to a once endearing bond.

Avni stood on the short flight of stone stairs that led to Mahdhurie’s front door and checked the walls cautiously for any geckos plastered on them. She was ridiculously scared of the four-legged reptiles that lay sprawled on the walls staring at her with their black beady eyes. Finding the walls clear she heaved a sigh of relief and rang the old-fashioned bell that made a deep buzz somewhere inside the house.

Avni hoped Madhurie had not dozed off. She had not informed her earlier and usually Madhurie would spend her evenings reading and was often found dozing off into the book she was reading.

As Avni waited before pressing the bell for a second time she looked around her. The ‘lawns’ that lay stretched before her were a scraggly piece of dried wild grass and shrubs. Madhurie did not have the inclination nor the energy to maintain it. The plants simply sprang up in wild abandon and was as scrawny and desiccated as their owner.

As if to proclaim their neglect to the world, a couple of cacti had grown tall and lined the boundary walls of the house. Their thorny crowns peered out from within the wilderness. In a way, they acted as sentinels guarding the house daring trespassers to scale their prickly ridges.

Avni turned as the door creaked open. Madhurie looked at her niece and broke into a wide toothy grin.

She was a tall slim woman. Her straight back, narrow waist and sharp aquiline features was reminiscent of the great beauty she had once commanded in her youth. The mass of thick black curly hair that had once adorned her crown was now reduced to a short curly snow-white bob. Her greenish grey eyes, a peculiarity common with Avni’s father’s side, was hidden behind thick rimmed spectacles.

However, the glasses could hardly hold back the twinkle that lit up Madhurie’s whole visage when she saw any of her nephews and nieces. Her long years of marriage had not been fruitful enough to gift her with a child. A strong and wilful woman, Madhurie, had not cursed her destiny but instead devoted her maternal attentions on her nephews and nieces out of which, Avni, Rani, Sangeet and Soumyo were her favouites. They were the children of Rathijeet and Rudrajeet Dasgupta, Madhurie’s brothers. Both were younger to Madhurie by several years. She was the eldest in a long brood of 5 sisters and 2 brothers.

The children reciprocated her feelings with equal ardour. She was their go-to person for everything under the sun. They had a special name for her, Mamoni – the sweetest person.

“Hello” Madhurie bade a cheerful welcome to Avni as she stepped inside the house. “To what do I owe this honour?” she said grinning broadly.

“By just being yourself” said Avni as she hugged Madhurie dearly.

The hall was a simple yet tastefully decorated room with furniture and lampshades that dated back to the time when Madhurie’s husband was alive. There were long French windows in three corners of the room which were seldom opened fully. It led into the dining room which was another large one stuffed with old fashioned furniture.

A large discoloured rectangular area on the floor stood out distinctly nurturing memories of a large piano which had once occupied that space. It was sleek black and old. Its keys had yellowed with age and produced a muffled groan when played. Yet it was Avni’s favourite object in the room. When Avni was younger she would often open the hood and press the keys playfully. She had learnt to play the harmonium in her singing classes and tried picking up tunes she had learnt there on the old piano. It was one of her favourite past time as her mother chatted with Madhurie.

As years went by, things deteriorated between Nagen and Madhurie. He began to pressurize her to give away her share of the house so that he could sell it off. Madhurie was adamant. She would never give up her right to the house of her in-laws. She refused to oblige Nagen. Matters worsened and Nagen initiated legal proceedings to take control of the property.

Handling court matters made things difficult for Madhurie. Her finances began to dwindle. Too proud to ask her brothers or her sisters for help, she gradually began to sell off her assets. The piano was the first to go. Though nobody told her all this, but Avni being an astute girl was aware of all this.

The dining room led into a long narrow corridor that served as Madhurie’s pantry where she stored all her home made jams and pickles. At the end of the pantry lay the kitchen which was always filled with delightful tongue tickling aromas because Madhurie was a fantastic cook. Her cooking was so effortless and yet unique that Avni often wondered how she managed it even at this age.

“You must be hungry?” asked Madhurie looking at her indulgently.

“Famished” said Avni moving towards Madhurie’s bedroom, that lay on the left of the dining room. It was here that Avni’s next big attraction lay, Madhurie’s books.

A glass cupboard built into the wall, shelved some of the most unique and rarely found books. Madhurie was an avid reader and even if her larder was empty, her bookshelf would never be starving. In addition to her existing collection, she had also made arrangements with the local newspaper seller and the locality library. They would deliver books and magazines at her doorstep, and she would finish them and send them back all in a day’s time. Avni had inherited this love of books from her aunt and would always walk entranced into her bedroom to check out her latest collection.

They would also get into long literary discussions on a book or an author. These discussions would also get slightly heated as both had very strong opinions and would not allow the other win. Nevertheless, it always ended on a consensus, and both would laugh it off at the end of it all.

Avni loved these arguments. It always gave her a fresh perspective and helped exercise her brain thoroughly.

She was browsing through a rare Bengali novel she had been looking all over, when the aroma of fried eggs tingled her nostrils. She moved towards the kitchen to watch Madhurie dip carefully sliced bread pieces into a mix of beaten eggs spiced with finely diced onion and green chillis and fry them in a pan of hot bubbling oil. Avni sat chatting as Madhurie listened with delight breaking into frequent laughter with the familiar lift of her shoulder and crinkling of her eyes. It was a simple, homely evening yet unique in the sense that two women separated by age and generation could still connect on a common ground.

As Madhurie limped out of the kitchen with a tray laden with crispy egg toast, Avni followed her carrying two cups of steaming hot tea.

They sat down at the oval ebony wood dining table that was pushed to one side of the wall to make room for the other furniture.

“What news of the rest?” asked Madhurie sipping on her tea and watching Avni over the rim of her cup as she bit into the toast.

“All good!” said Avni licking off the ketchup that smeared her mouth. The crunch of the toast was heavenly to her rumbling stomach.

“The elder Ms. Dasgupta has not been around for some time” said Madhurie.

“Rani?” said Avni her voice muffled as she bit into another big slice of the toast. “She has been pretty busy I guess.”

“Is she still seeing that boy?” asked Madhurie sceptically.

“I don’t know” said Avni shrugging. “She never discusses those things with me.”

“And what about you?” asked Madhurie with an impish grin. “When are you bringing your young man to meet me?”

“I will” asked Avni casually. Avni was engaged to Anish and their wedding was scheduled in the coming months.

“What is this I hear about you leaving for a different city soon after your wedding?” asked Madhurie looking at her with a serious look.

Avni sighed. She had dreaded this conversation. Ever since she had announced her intent to travel to a different city for a career building course soon after her wedding, all hell had broken loose at her home.

Her mother had gone into a tight-lipped silence which spoke volumes without uttering a single word. Her father would sit thoughtfully and shake his head sadly.

It was as if everyone was waiting for Madhurie to break this wall of silence. She had always been the one to handle situations such as these in their household. Both brothers had willingly given their elder sister this authority and their wives had happily agreed. It was an agreement that needed no words to impose. It had simply blended in with their lifestyle.

“Yes” said Avni simply bracing herself for the long session ahead.

“Why?” asked Madhurie looking at her closely.

“I don’t understand why this is becoming such a big issue with everybody. Both Anish and I have talked it out between ourselves. None of us have a problem with it. So why is everybody creating such a big ruckus around it?” said Avni flaring up. “Besides I have been seeing Anish for four years now. We know each other well enough.”

 “No matter how long you may have dated each other, marriage is always a new start” said Madhurie “Now is when you will start knowing each other anew.”

Avni stared at her blankly “I do not understand. What more do I need to know about Anish? 4 years is a long time.”

Madhurie simply smiled shaking her head. “So, tell me about this course you are so intent on taking up.”

Relieved Avni happily went into the details of her career plans and how the on-the-job training course she was getting into would help her move towards her goals. This was another thing she liked about Madhurie. She had an inexhaustible curiosity and loved learning about new things. She may not know or understand everything, but she tried her best to acquaint herself with new things and know the unknown. It never scared or deterred her.

“So, you say that you may not have too many opportunities in this city for this kind of work?” said Madhurie looking at Avni thoughtfully after she was finished with her narration.

“Not yet. In any case, I do intend to work outside this city for some time, after I complete my course” said Avni with a determined nod.

“And what about Anish?” asked Madhurie “Is he willing to join you there?”

“Depends on his work” said Avni matter-of-factly “he needs to get the right opportunities there as well. Or else he will stay here, and we can wait till both of us find the right prospects in the same city. You see Mamoni” said Avni turning to look into Madhurie’s eyes “Both of us have dreams to fulfil. We cannot let them go to waste can we.”

“Yes” said Madhurie wistfully “We all have dreams. Both your uncle and I had dreams too. In pursuing those dreams we forgot about ourselves. We ignored our present to build our future. One in which we thought we would be together forever. Finally, when that future arrived, I sat lonely and lost with my faded memories. Togetherness is a treasure. Learn to value its worth.”

Avni looked into the tired grey eyes of the older woman as she stared blankly ahead of her. She placed her hand gently on Madhurie’s shrivelled palms.

“You do miss Uncle, don’t you?” she asked.

Madhurie smiled shaking her head “It’s been a long time” She sighed looking around the house “This is all I have now. I have got used to this emptiness around me.  Time, they say is a great healer” said Madhurie looking at Avni. “But you know, I don’t agree to that. The pain never goes away. All Time does is help you get used to it. The scars remain as a reminder of those wounds that Time has dealt you with.”

Avni put her arms around Madhurie as the older woman looked at her nodding her head slowly, “Time is a cruel master. It waits for no one. Make sure you make the most of the Time you have now instead of repenting later.”

That night as Avni walked back home, Madhurie’s last words echoed in her ears. As she turned around to look at the house, it stood silhouetted in the darkness cutting a sad lonely picture beneath the dull dark sky.

Avni’s wedding festivities went off well. Finally, the day arrived when she had to leave for her training. Her bags were packed, goodbyes were said. The evening before her flight Madhurie came over to bid her farewell.

“So, you are off!” she said with a scoff.
“You knew I would” said Avni laughing.

“Write to me then” said Madhurie with a decisive sigh.

“I will” said Avni with a tinge of surprise “Do you have an email address?”

“I meant a letter not those fancy things that you send through your computer” said Madhurie with a mock scorn in her voice.

“Oh” said Avni pursing her lips. Knowing Madhurie, she should have known what kind of ‘writing’ she was referring to.

“Sure, I will if I come across a post office” Avni teased her.

“Of course, you will!” said Madhurie scornfully “How many people in our nation of illiterates will know how to send an email? Besides, a Post Office does not only exist to send letters, but it is also involved in a host of other activities.”

“Oh alright!” said Avni hurriedly giving Madhurie a hug to stop her from going on a tirade on the benefits that the August institution bestows on their everyday life. “I will post a letter whenever I can.”
Madhurie returned the embrace a bit awkwardly. She was not used to displaying affection publicly. However, Avni knew she relished these moments and though, could not express it, did feel genuinely touched.

Avni reached the new city with a lot of trepidation in her heart.

Pune. The citadel of the brave Marathas.

Seeped in history and heritage the city lay cuddled between the great Western Ghats. It was a small yet happening urban metropolis which was on its way to becoming a big IT destination. Till that happened life stayed simple and serene and Avni loved it at first glance. She moved into a small one room apartment with two more friends who were involved in different academic courses.

Avni settled down into her daily routine quickly. The first few months were spent in theory classes and then they were deputed at client locations to work on projects. Days were busy for Avni and before she knew it, they would sweep past her. It was the evenings that were proving to be difficult.

Her flat mates never came back before midnight and Avni spent most of her evenings alone. She was never an extrovert and had difficulty making friends so easily. She still remembered the first day. As soon as she had turned the key and stepped into the dark apartment, she had burst into tears. She had never entered an empty house. At home, there was always someone or the other to greet her. The dreary emptiness around her now seemed to crawl their way into her lonely heart and grip it in their cold steely grip.

Every evening was a repetition of the first. Every day Avni turned the key, she waited a while hoping to hear a laughter or some indication that there was someone waiting for her behind the door. However, every day she entered the empty portals of the small apartment and heaved a long sigh of disappointment.

It was then that Avni realised Madhurie’s pain. It had just been a week and she was finding it unbearable. How had Madhurie borne it all these years. Loneliness was indeed a curse. Maybe she too will get used to it or would she ever? She wondered.

Her only solace were the long chats with Anish and Madhurie’s letters. They came with a disciplined regularity.

Every week.

Sometimes they were long and detailed and sometimes they were short and sketchy. But they never stopped. Avni responded as well. She realised that she was beginning to enjoy writing letters. She had long gone out of practice and initially her fingers ached with having to hold the pen for so long. Gradually, they gave in to her perseverance.

Madhurie’s letters were full of advice, news and gossip for Avni helping to simultaneously educate and entertain her to the utmost. She enjoyed reading Madhurie’s letter and waited eagerly for them every week.

And then suddenly they stopped.
Avni’s mother called her to tell her that Madhurie had suffered a cerebral stroke and had to be hospitalised. Madhurie was around 80 years of age and that was indeed a concern. But Avni knew her Mamoni was a fighter, and she would come out of this.

It was a Friday evening and Avni was busy finishing up with the project assigned to her. She was neck deep in work and had no time to even check her emails all day. It was almost 9 pm by the time she was done. She was totally drained but was happy with the work that she had produced. She grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to check her email before leaving for home.

She winced as the hot coffee slipped in through her lips and she twirled the sickly-sweet liquid around in her mouth before swallowing it. Her eyes stood transfixed on her computer screen. She had just logged in to her mailbox and had opened a message from Anish. The first four words brought everything around her to a standstill.

“Mamoni is no more” Anish wrote “We were trying to reach you but your phone kept ringing. She turned for the worse earlier in the day today and nothing could be done to revive her. Call your home. Your mother wanted to speak to you.”

Avni stood up to stare blankly at the wall in front of her. She realised she had not asked about Mamoni’s health for the past few days. The project work had driven everything else out of her mind. She rummaged in her bag to look for her phone only to realise she had left it at her apartment. Cursing herself, she rushed out of her office and jumped into a taxi.
She called her mother as soon as she reached her apartment.

“Where were you all day?” said Sumita. Her voice sounded tired and cracked from sorrow. “We have been trying to reach you for so long. Sent you so many messages too. Didi left us today morning.”

“I know Mom.” said Avni “I left my phone at home by mistake.”

“She was in great pain the last few months. God has been kind and relieved her of all misery” said Sumita haltingly. “She loved you all so much.”

“What can I do Mom?” said Avni her voice breaking with sobs.

“Nothing. Just pray that she has a safe journey to her eternal abode. She is finally at peace” said Sumita sighing heavily.

Avni disconnected and sat silently with tears streaming down her face. It felt strange to be in a world where Mamoni no longer existed. It suddenly seemed several times more dull, dreary and lonely.

A sense of emptiness gripped her, and she lay down clutching the phone to her chest sobbing till sleep claimed her.

The days following the news of Mamoni’s death passed by in a blur. With time, Avni returned to the usual monotony. Sumita called her daughter almost every day to tell her what was happening back home. In between, her mother’s long ramblings, Avni caught snippets of how they were distributing Mamoni’s possessions to the needy. Madhurie had worked for the underprivileged all her life and it was they who should be the rightful recipients of her meagre assets. Avni knew that was what Mamoni would have wanted as well.

A year later, Avni finally finished her training and decided to return home. Being back felt nice. The same familiar sights and sounds, the buzz of people around her, known faces poking their heads round her door to greet her was like a soothing balm to her injured heart. It was just the absence of one person that was hindering the feeling of complete peace.

Avni decided to visit Mamoni’s house for another glimpse of those familiar walls which, she was sure, would help to alleviate this feeling of despair. Nostalgia, she knew, was the best cure for anxious hearts.

So, one afternoon, Avni set out on the well-trodden path. The shops were closed and the lane looked small and lonely without their usual bustle.

Sighing Avni kept walking. She had reached the end of the lane and looked around surprised. The house was nowhere to be seen.

Did she miss it?

Avni chided herself and retraced her steps looking for it carefully this time.
But she could not find it. The house had always stood at the end of the lane. Right at the corner which was now anointed with a sparkling new apartment which donned the entire lane with a whole new look.

Avni looked around desperately and found a man sitting at a tea stall looking at her curiously.

“Looking for something?” he asked with a toothy grin as he held the clay teacup in one hand. He looked vaguely familiar.

“Yes” said Avni nodding vigorously “There was a house with a huge cactus bush? I can’t seem to find it?”

“You are standing right in front of it” said the man his grin broadening into a chuckle.

Avni turned around wondering if he was joking with her. There was nothing behind her but the brand-new apartment.

Then her eyes widened with shock. She moved closer and stared at the shining nameplate proclaiming the address in crisp cursive lettering in a brass nameplate

“11 Fern Place.”
 A known address stamped on an unfamiliar wall.

“Things are not the same anymore” said the man chuckling behind her. It was then that Avni realised that it was the Aquarium shop owner. He had aged slightly; his belly had increased and his eyes were cloudy behind thick rimmed glasses. But he still looked at her with the same benign smile on his face.

She smiled back slightly and turned around and stood facing the house in shock. They had sold Mamoni’s house and built a new one in its place. It was beautiful no doubt standing tall in its pristine white glory. It’s curved balustrades and lush green well-mowed lawns endowing it with a plush glamour.

Nevertheless, it failed to impress Avni. Somehow, her heart yearned for the old decrepit mansion with its crumbling walls and rusted gates. Its scraggly grounds crowded with a wilderness that had entrenched her heart in their wild foliage. Avni had entrusted her childhood in every nook and crevice of those walls with the plaster peeling off their faces.

She knew now there was nothing left. It was all gone!

Avni sighed.  She was finally forced to grow up and face another painful truth. A truth that Time stops for no one. It rushes on and drags you along with it. Suddenly Mamoni’s words rang in her ears

“Time is a cruel master. It waits for no one. Make sure you make the most of the Time you have now instead of repenting later.”

Avni turned to walk away without looking back. On either side, the shops were beginning to lift their shutters for their evening shift.

Yet again Time was moving on.

Something made her stand before the Aquarium shop with a determined look waiting for it to open its shutters.

Avni knew it was now time to stop.

Cover Photo by Peter Herrmann on Unsplash